A Few Things I'm Thankful For

It's the 362nd day of the year and 2014 is right around the corner. A lot of things happened - the bad and the good - but all I know is, 2013 is ending and there's no way of coming back.

This year is a bittersweet one for me. It was like a big crazy maze that I can't figure how to get myself out, alive. One moment I'd find good news everywhere and I'm so happy and everybody's happy like "Yeah! We're all happy! Hurray for everyone!" and then all of a sudden bad news keep popping out like popcorn on a microwave. But unlike the happiness of eating popcorn while watching a good movie, bad news seems to really know how to ruin good news. Every freaking time.

But like what I've said, it is a one hell of a bittersweet year. Meaning, in every bitter side there's always a sweet side and I actually tried my very best to focus on the sweet side of everything. And it was hard. But we all know that there's no easy way, right? Or at least that's what I believe in. 

And then I realized that I still do have a lot of things to be thankful for - I mean a lot - this year, leaving those unexpectedly expected messed up stories behind me. I know it wouldn't really hurt me or anyone to actually admit it to myself and thank whatever or whoever they are that somehow became a part of my tedious life this year. So, here's my list...

- My family's two loving dogs and an irresistible snobbish cat who still loves me even though I just ignore them a lot of times, who gives me warm hugs and kisses every time I'm feeling sad and tired.

- My parents who's been sacrificing their whole lives for me and my siblings. They're not perfect but at least they're trying their best to do more than any parent could do for their children. And I love them. So much.

- My two cool siblings who gives me random advice whenever I need or don't need to. They know me more than myself and I owe them a lot for cooking and giving me food every time Mom's not around. You two are the best!

- My sweet nephews, nieces and godchildren who knows exactly how to make me feel loved just by letting me see those cute and innocent smiles on their faces. Sweetest gift I'll ever get.

- My handful of best friends who's been there with me in good times and in bad, who always know the right thing to say whenever I needed to talk to someone or when I simply need a laugh. They're positively insane and I love them so.

- To the people I call friends who trusted me and welcomed me into their lives. They know exactly who they are and they'll always be in my heart no matter what.

- To that someone who seems to never forget me. With all my heart, thank you so much.

- My family's and love one's health and mine. To feel normal and healthy is one of the most important and lucky thing to have.

- To the founder of coffee and tea, thank you SO much for making my life a lot more better than it is!

- To the world of music, art, words and food for giving me something to rely on whenever I need some time alone.

- Love, in every different forms. It's the most beautiful thing in the world and I'm so lucky to feel it.

- And of course, to God who loves me so much. He even gave me these few things to be thankful for. By the way I see it, with these people and things that I love, I think I'm one of His favorites. :)

Girls! Girls! Girls! ♥

With Cara, Mom and Sasha!

Si Gino

Pahigop-higop lang ng kape si Gino. Wala kasi siyang magawa. Walang pumapasok sa isip niya kaya wala siyang magawa. Maya’t-maya, humihithit siya sa stick ng sigarilyo na pawang binubusog ang kumakalam niya nang sikmura. Nakaka-isang kaha na siya simula ng umupo siya sa paborito niyang lugar ng kanyang bahay, mahigit anim na oras na ang nakakaraan. Bawat usok ay may katumbas na tanong. Bawat upos ay may katumbas na kalituhan sa kanyang isip.

'T@*g I%a Gino! Tutunganga ka na lang ba? Isip. Mag-isip ka nga!

Kanina pa niya naririnig ang sarili. Sa magkabilaang tainga, naririnig niyang minumura siya ng paulit-ulit ng sarili niyang kaluluwa. Inuulanan na siya ng mura ngunit wala siyang magawa dahil alam niyang tama ang kanyang naririnig, tama ang kanyang sarili na dapat siyang mag-isip. Na dapat niyang paganahin ang kanyang utak at huwag hayaang matapos ang araw na ito ng wala na namang matinong naisulat.

Ang pagsulat ng mga sari-saring kwento ang kinabubuhay ni Gino at hindi maitatangging naiangat siya nito mula sa kahirapan. Nakasulat na siya ng tatlong libro sa pamamagitan ng mga pinagtagpi-tagping kwento ng mga kung sinu-sinong likhang-isip na tao na walang kamalay-malay na magiging parte sila ng buhay niya.

Bumenta sa mundo ng mga salita ang tatlong libro na ginawa niya na kung tutuusin ay hindi naman talaga sa kanya. Hindi niya kwento ang mga laman nito kundi kwento ng buhay ng ibang tao na hindi niya personal na kilala. Mga inimbentong kwento ng buhay na alam niyang sa ibang banda ay maituturing na totoo dahil may mga nakaranas na nito o di kaya’y may makakaranas pa lang. Ganoon naman ang lahat ng kwento, may parteng totoo at posibleng mangyari at mayroon din namang gawa-gawa lang at imposibleng mangyari sa totoong buhay – depende na nga lang kung paano mo ito iintindihin at sasaloobin.

Mahusay sumulat si Gino kung kaya’t  pumutok ang pangalan niya matapos lumabas ang kanyang unang libro at sa loob ng isa’t kalahating taon, natapos niya ang pangalawa at pangatlo pa na siya rin namang umayo ng parangal at magagandang komento galing sa iba’t-ibang propesiyonal na mga manunulat. Di kalaunan ay napabilang siya sa listahan ng mga bagong manunulat na may angking galing at talino.

Ngunit dumating na ang kanyang kinakatakutan. Humihingi na ang kanyang mga mambabasa ng bago. Iyong tipong mas kapani-paniwala dahil totoo, iyong tipong mas personal. Iyong tipong Maalaala Mo Kaya ang bagsakan. Iyong tungkol sa kanya, iyong kwento ng buhay niya.

At ngayon ay halos sumirit na ang mga dugo sa kaibuturan ng kanyang utak dahil wala siyang maisip na magandang kwento tungkol sa buhay niya. Nagsusulat siya ng kwento ng iba ng walang kahirap-hirap, na kahit antok na antok na siya ay di pa rin niya mapagilan ang sarili na magsulat dahil sa dami ng naiisip niyang pangyayari na maari niyang idagdag sa ginagawa niyang kwento.

Pero sa pagkakataong ito, iba. Kahit anong pilit niyang pigain ang utak na namumutla na dahil sa pag-iisip ay hindi niya magawang isipan ng mga salita na magbibigay ng tamang timpla sa magulo at wasak niyang buhay dahil pakiramdam niya mahuhubaran siya kapag ginawa niya ito at lahat ng taong may pakialam sa kanya ngayon, sa isang iglap ay mawawala ng parang bula dahil makikita nila kung sino ang totoong Gino sa likod ng taong minahal ng kanyang mga mambabasa.

Alam niyang hindi magugustuhan ng mga ito ang kwento ng buhay niya. Alam niyang sa oras na matapos niya ito at ilabas sa lahat ng lugar na nagtitinda ng mga libro ay malalaman ng lahat ang lahat ng sikretong itinatago niya at para sa kanya, ang buong buhay niya ay isang napakalaking sikreto. O di kaya’y isang malaking pagkakamali. O di kaya’y isang nakakalokong kalokohan.

At ngayong gabi, tiyak siyang matutulog ulit siya ng walang nagawa tulad ng nangyari sa buong araw niya kahapon.  

Bukas ng umaga, gigising siya at mag-aayos ng sarili. Kakain. Magtitimpla ng kape. Hihithit ng sigarilyo. Mananatiling nakaupo at mag-iisip sa simpleng upuan na may katernong isang simpleng lamesa kung saan nakapatong ang luma ngunit gumagana pang typewriter na pamana sa kanya ng kanyang lolo na naging manunulat din noong siya’y nabubuhay pa. Nakatapat ito sa isang malaking bintana na walang kurtina na yari sa salamin upang hindi matakpan ang magandang tanawin na binubuo ng mga bundok, puno, ulap, mga ibong humuhuni at nagliliparan at iba pang bagay na may kinalaman sa buhay na kanyang pinapangarap; maganda, masaya, tahimik at puno ng kulay.

Muli ay maririnig niyang minumura siya ng paulit-ulit ng kanyang sariling kaluluwa.

Muli ay wala na naman siyang maisusulat tungkol sa sarili niya.

Muli ay ikakahiya niya ang buhay niya. Noon hanggang ngayon.

Hide and Seek

Where is everybody?

I don’t know. I don’t know.

Where is everybody?

I ought to know. I ought to know.

One. Two. Three.

The smile in your face seems surreal.

Four. Five. Six.

I know what you’re up to and it gives me thrill.

Seven. Eight. Nine.

Hey, you have crossed the enemy’s line.

Ten. Better run and hide.

‘Cause if you don’t, baby soon you’ll be mine.

Where is everybody?

Now I know. Now I know.

Where is everybody?

They’re all mine. You’re now mine.

I told you so.

How about a kiss? No.

My baby Sasha is no more a baby. See that? No kiss for me in this photo. But I still love her anyway! ♥

Behold...

Hey everybody! For all the Filipinos out there (like me) who loves The Maine, This Century and Nick Santino, here's a REAL GOOD NEWS for us! 

Ta-Daaaaaaaaa!!!!

Yes! Yes, you read that right! They are coming back and it will surely be a blast! 

I'm way too excited because I've been praying for this to happen again (to see my favorite bands all over again) and FINALLY, now in just one stage, here's an answered prayer for me! (Thank You, Papa Jesus, for this one special birthday gift!) It's our birthday-me and my twin sister-on January 5th and I would gladly take this as an early (toooooo early, actually) birthday present. And to tell you, the 12th of January is also my Dad's birthday, (and Zayn's too, hihi). So three special reason to be happy for just one day, I'm sure it'll be awesome! :'>

Yes, it is TOO early to feel giddy and all (maybe I am a little crazy about this right now) but please hang in with me! I just can't help it, I just can't hide my excitement right now! And oh my God, I just can't! Hahahaha! Sorry but not sorry.

So yeah, there you go. THE GOOD NEWS, everyone! I'm so happy! ❤

P.S. Please excuse all the "!" in this post, it's my way to show you guys how excited I really am right now. Hihi. And in case you wanted to be updated about this news, click here. Peace ya'll!

Across the Universe

What a great way to start my day!

What can I say? Jim Sturgess as Jude with his doodles and cartoons and with his hot scouse accent. And the best part? Him singing The Beatles songs. Hey, come on now! You can't blame me. I have a huge crush on him, he is Jim Sturgess for heaven's sake! So please sway with me about this for now. :)

Official Advertising Poster

Fine then. Let's talk about the film.

Well it was a fictional art film-based musical that talks about friendship, love and being an actual part of the country during the Vietnam War back in the early 1960's. It's a musical inspired by some songs from my favorite old school band, The Beatles. It was directed by Julie Taymor and was released in September 28, 2007.

In the film, Jude originally came from Liverpool and worked as a dock worker but then decided to go to America to find his biological father, who works as a janitor at Princeton University. There, he met Max (played by Joe Anderson), an irresponsible and unmotivated young man who lives life to the fullest and soon they became best buddies. And then Max being himself, decided to drop out of school and went to New York with him where they met some cool people (and weird at the same) that were really, really into music and eventually became their friends.

Max also introduced his sister named Lucy (played by Evan Rachel Wood) to Jude. She's a high school girl whose boyfriend died in action, fighting in the Vietnam war. Jude and Lucy fell in love with one another but somehow drifted apart since Lucy became an activist against the said war (because the two important men of her life, her boyfriend before Jude died because of it and Max became a soldier too even if he didn't want to, fortunately he didn't die) while Jude just merely focuses on doing art, his doodles and cartoons. But don't you worry, they ended up together at the end of the film. (Beep-beep! Spoiler alert!)

The "Strawberry Field" scene.

My most favorite part was the "Strawberry Field" scene. I don't know. For me, everything were in that one scene. The emotions of the characters, the art, the song, the colors and even the scene itself. It was simply awesome. 

And I love how the people behind this film experimented with the graphics (those colorful special effects), the music (using The Beatles songs, especially the "Let It Be" part, goosebumps all over me I swear!), the story line and all (that was dramatically and meaningfully done). It just turned out to be one of the most awesome musical film I ever saw. ♥

So to give you more motivation to watch it, here's the theatrical trailer of the film.

 

So yeah, I guess that's it. Love, friendship, war, art and music. A glimpse of what the film is. If I'll rate it from 1 to 10, I guess it's an 8. Sounds intriguing? Well watch it yourself then (if you haven't)!

K.

 

Spent my September 14, 2013 with these lovely people. We absolutely had a lot of fun just wandering around the mall, laughing and telling nonsense stuffs to one another. And meeting my friend's boyfriend for the first time went very well, too. :)

Sail Away, P.K.

So I drew this maybe three months ago. I also submitted it as an entry for the art folio magazine of our school and hopefully they'll like it.

So, P.K. is the initials of an old Hawaiian sailing ship that was lead by a girl name Princess Kaiulani, where it basically got its name. So yeah. Obviously, I just copied it from a book that I borrowed from our school library and the book is all about sailing. Shame on me for not remembering the name of the book and even the Filipino painter who originally painted this masterpiece. But I will surely check it out again then I'll update this post as soon as I can.

So yeah. There you go, the first one. It was my first time to draw a sailing ship and I can totally say that it's not that easy since you have to put a lot of extra efforts to make it more realistic (and I think I kinda failed on that part, though). Next time I'll post a drawing about ships, it's gonna be my original one. And maybe one day, I'll make my own sailing ship miniature model too.

But for now, I'm happy with this one.

Oh some boy stuffs...

Guess who's been sleeping and waking up with me this summer. So dazzling.

Exhausted? NO.

So last April 27, 2013, I was able to join and be a part of the Asia Pacific Youth Build 2013, a housing project of the Habitat For Humanity where thousands of young volunteers we're brought together to build homes, to interact with the local communities and to give hope once again to our fellow Kababayans. It was held at Navotas City, Philippines where my group mates and I painted two houses (that soon will be called home) which will be given away to the families that were displaced by the Typhoon Pedring.

So what is Habitat For Humanity Youth Build by the way?

Volunteers all over! :)

According to the official website of the organization, Habitat for Humanity Youth BUILD is "a movement to raise awareness of the poverty housing situation in the Asia-Pacific region and grow support for the vision of a world where everyone has a decent place to live. It calls for concerned young people to take action together to build homes and communities."

With two of my lovely friends.

 It encourages thousands of Youth to volunteer in house building to fight poverty across Asia-Pacific Region - China, Cambodia, India, Indonesia, Japan, Korea, Nepal, the Philippines and Thailand. And fortunately for me, I was one of those volunteers that hot-but-lovely day.

Well I've been a volunteer for five years and I'm proud to tell you guys that I'm loving it. I've been into a lot of volunteer projects like outreach and feeding programs, fund raising events, house building, relief operations and many other community involved activities inside and outside of school. And Asia Pacific Youth Build 2013 is yet another wonderful and exciting volunteer project that I'm glad to be a part of. Not only because I was able to help our Kababayans by painting their soon-to-be-home, but also I was able to do one of my trying-hard (Yes, trying hard) hobbies which is to (ta-daaaa!) PAINT!!! (Though that day, my whole body was totally burned by Mr. Sunny and it then soon turned to dark red. Yes, baby! I was sooo burned! Hoho. ♥) 

With my group mates!

But in any other way, I got to enjoy that day. Plus, I got a new FREE shirt, lunch, LOTS of water and there were also a LOT of awesome people around me that day that made it Oh-So-Perfect. Love it. ♥

Summer Time, Indeed!

This precious moment happened in Nasugbu, Batangas City on the 20th to 21st of April, 2013 and totally a weekend to remember. My friend Myla and her family made it possible. They organized and fixed everything up -from the venue, to foods, to transpo - all for free! (They're very kind and generous. They even brought a basket of sweets with lots of chocolates on it that really made my tummy so happy!)

After two hours of road trip, we finally hit the ground and the place was LOVELY. Of course we got very excited to swim the moment we saw the wide open sea but of course, first thing first, we did something that I love. What is it? TO EAT!!!

After eating, we swam and enjoyed the salty water (I even made a sand castle together with Myla's two younger cousins. Aha, proud castle builder here) until Tita (Myla's mom, Aunt in English) called us back for dinner. Then of course, my tummy got so excited (again) so I ate a lot until I'm TOTALLY full and then we nailed the Karaoke machine until 10pm (because the resort have this policy of turning off all the karaoke machine by 10pm because of the hazard it can bring especially if I'll be the one who'll sing. Hahahaha!) Then we decided to get back to the sea to soak up our bodies with it's now cold salty water and stayed there until around 3am, just wasting time telling stories and stuffs with one another.

Road Trip!!!

Then we decided to finally clean up ourselves and stay awake at the cottage for the rest of the morning by playing cards. We waited for the sun to rise in front of us but unfortunately, the sun rose on the other side of the beach, fool.

Then around 6am we decided to play beach volleyball. Oh sorry. I mean, THEY (my friends) decided to play beach volleyball. (I'm not really into sport and whatsoever, so I didn't even think twice to play with them especially if my skills are way more loser than ME. Hahaha!)

While they are happily playing, I spent my time together with Ash, a black puppy owned by Myla's cousin and walked her around the beach then when I finally got bummed, I sat on the sand under me and watched my friends while playing from the distance. They let me be the scorer, so I was like, ok. Then after a minute or so, I got bored so I stood up and left them there. Hahaha! Then I went back to the cottage and eat chocolates and chips.

Then after eating the official and real breakfast (egg, hotdog and rice), there was a little cry-moment when Myla and her sister, Myca, read their birthday letters for their lovely Mom and I can tell that she was very touched by it. :)

Enjoying the beach!

I didn't eat the real breakfast though, I mean not that I didn't want to, but because I just can't. My tummy were in so much mess that time and I've been going in and out of the "White Throne" for more than four times since we got up from the water and there were soooo many delicious foods served on the table that day so please, please don't blame me.

Then after eating breakfast, before we start to pack our things and went home, we did a little of Island Hopping by a small boat (and I'm so literally happy because I got to feel the fresh wind slapping on my face and to see the blue perfect sky above me. OH-SO-PERFECT!) that took almost five hours of adventure. And I love every second of it.

But the most exciting and self-fulfilling of all is that I got to swim at the deep part of the sea for thirty minutes or so! (with a life-jacket of course.) I don't know. I love the ocean but I'm not a good swimmer, YET. I said yet, so I'll be, soon! So watch out! Ho-ho. ♥ 

1942

"Tutoy, tara na. Inaantay na tayo ni Ama sa bukid," sabi ni Ina sa akin habang naglalakad palabas ng tagpi-tagping pinto ng aming bahay na gawa sa tagpi-taping kawayan. Bitbit-bitbit niya ang mga nilutong kamote kanina, baon daw ito para kay Ama na magdamag nagta-trabaho sa palayan. Ang iba naman ditto ay susubukin niyang itinda sa ibang mga magsasaka para kumita raw ng kwarta kahit papaano.

"Magmadali ka nga diyan. Aba’y kalalaking tao e, ang bagal-bagal gumalaw." sabi nito sa tonong dapat ay galit ngunit hindi naman maitono ng maayos ni Ina dahil sa sobrang hinhin ng kaniyang pagsasalita.

"Opo Ina. Magmamadali na po," magalang na sagot ko. Lumingon ako sa aking likod at nakita kong mabagal na umiinom ng tubig sa lumang baso si Neneng, ang bunsong kapatid kong babae.

Pito kaming magkakapatid. Si kuya Nestor, ate Inday, at ate Rosaly ay may mga sarili ng pamilya. Nakabukod na sila sa amin ngunit dahil sa hirap ng buhay at sa dami ng mga anak, di nila mapigilan ang humingi pa din ng tulong kay Ama at Ina na siya rin namang walang magawa kundi tumulong ng tumulong ng tumulong. 

"Neng, tara na! Baka magalit pa sila Ina kung magbabagal-bagal ka diyan." sabi ko sa tonong galit ngunit hindi ko naman sinasadya. Kung si Ina hindi magawang magalit, ako naman ata ay nagmana kay Ama na laging galit ang tono sa tuwing nagsasalita.

Tumakbo si Neng papunta sa akin at umangkas na sa aking likod. Dalawang taon palang si Neng, labing-isa naman ako, pang-anim sa aming pito. Dapat ay hindi na itutuloy ni Ina ang pagpapa-anak kay Neng dahil sa hirap ng buhay dito sa amin ngunit hindi naman pumayag sila kuya at ate dahil masama daw maglaglag ng bata na nasa sinapupunan na at sabi nga'y panghabang-buhay ka daw paparusahan kapag ito'y ginawa mo. Buti nga kamo ay itinuloy nilang ipanganak si Neng kung hindi ay wala akong mauutusan bumili ng tigpi-pisong pagkain kela aling Chora sa may kabilang baryo.

"Inang, alis na po kami." sigaw ko kay Inang Tesa na nasa loob ng kanyang kwarto. Mag-aanim na put pito na si Inang, nanay ni Ama. Naalala ko pa noon noong tatlong taon palang ako, lagi akong kanakantahan ni Inang para makatulog. Maganda ang boses niya. Nakakawala daw ng pagod sabi nila kuya Tom at kuya Jun sa tuwing kinakantahan naman sila nito tuwing galing sa bukid.

Ayaw ko sanang sumama sa bukid ngayong araw dahil ayaw kong iwan si Inang mag-isa. Hirap na kasi siyang maglakad, ni uminom ng tubig ay nahihirapan na din siya. Ang kaso madaming dalang tindang kamote si Ina ngayon. Sabi niya ay mahihirapan siyang makababa ng bundok mag-isa kaya kailangan ko raw sumama.

"Osige 'Toy. Magsi-ingat kayong lahat," pinilit na magsalita ni Inang. Matanda na siya. Palagi na itong nagrereklamo sa sakit ng katawan na nararamdaman niya. Sa tuwing tatanungin ko naman siya kung ano ang masakit sa kaniya, lagi naman siyang tumatangging sabihin ito sa akin. Hindi ko na daw dapat malaman dahil mamamatay naman na daw siya. Lagi ko siyang pinapagalitan sa tuwing sasabihin niya iyong mga salitang iyon.

Nitong mga nakaraang araw nga, habang tulog na ang lahat, lagi kong naririnig na nagsasalita si Inang habang siya'y natutulog. Madalas ay tinatawag o kinakausap niya si ‘Tang Jose, ang namatay na nitong asawa, at pinipilit niyang isama na siya nito kung nasaan man daw ito napaparoon. Natatakot na nga ako minsan na baka tuluyan na nga siyang isama ni Tatang. Buti nga kamo ay hindi pa dahil ayoko pang mawala si Inang. Siya kasi ang lagi namin kasama ni Neng sa bahay sa tuwing nasa bukid ang lahat.

“Babalik ho agad kami ni Neng, Inang. Sasamahan ka po namin,” sabi ko at tuluyan ng umalis habang karga-karga si Neng na nakasampa sa aking likod habang bitbit-bitbit ko ang dalawang bilao ng kamote.

Dalawang oras din kaming naglakad ng naka-paa bago makarating sa bukid. Minsan ay pansamantala kong ibinababa si Neng sa pagkakakarga ko sa kaniya at ang dalawang bilao na dala-dala ko upang tulungan si Ina sa pagbaba ng bundok. Pinapabayaan kong maglakad si Neng minsan ngunit kinakarga ko din naman ulit dahil sa bagal nitong maglakad. Baka abutin kami ng dilim kung nagkataon.

Matindi ang tirik ng araw. Kahit ang hangin ay sobrang init din. 

Sinalubong kami nila kuya Jun-Jun at kuya Ton sa bukid na nagtatrabaho din. Sila lagi ang tumutulong kay Ama sa bukid para daw makadami ng ma-aararo. Pagdating palang sa may silong ay inayos na namin ni Ina ang pagkain na dala-dala. Umupo din naman agad sila Ama at kinain ang ang pritong kamote. Ang ibang magsasak din ay lumapit upang bumili ng kamote, ang iba naman ay nangutang pa. Sabi ay babayran daw nila ito mamaya pagkatapos ng trabaho. Ipapaabot daw nila ito sa akin mamaya. Hindi naman ito totoo. Iyong iba nga, sampung piso lang ang utang e inaabot pa ng buwan bago makabayad. Paano ka nga ba makakapagbayad e madalas kulang pa ang kita para makabili ng bigas pang-pakain sa pamilya mo. Wala namang magawa sila Ina basta masabing ubos ang paninda, ok na. Hindi nila alam na kahit maubos pa ang paninda niya araw-araw e mahina pa din ang kita hangga’t hindi ito mabayaran ng mga nangungutang.

Tuloy-tuloy ang tulo ng pawis nila Ama, kuya Jun at kuya Ton na pilit naman nilang pinupunasan agad-agad ng dumumi nang damit. Labing siyam na si kuya Jun at labing anim naman si kuya Ton. Lagi nang sinasabi ni Ama na sa susunod na buwan ay tutulong na din daw ako sa pag-aararo. Pumapayag naman si Ina pero ayaw ko pa, hindi dahil sa tamad ako ngunit dahil ayaw kong iwan si Neng at Inang sa bahay ng silang dalawa lang. Hindi nila kaya iyon. Kailangan nila ako, lalo na si Inang.

“Kung hindi ka tutulong sa susunod na buwan sa pag-araro, hindi na kita patutulungin sa pag-araro sa buong buhay mo. Sinasabi ko iyan sa iyo. Kaya kung gusto mo, tumulong ka na ngayon palang,” sabi ni Ama sa akin habang kumakain. Hindi ako sumagot.

Mabilis naubos ang paninda ni Ina. Halos lahat ng bumili ay nangutang. Nangako na babayaran ito bako sumapit ang gabi. Hindi totoo iyon.

Inutusan ako ni Ina tumulong sa pag-aararo para matapos agad ang trabaho nila Ama ngunit ayaw ko. Gusto ko ng umuwi agad kaya noong nagkaroon ako ng pagkakataon, ng malingat si Ina sandal, ay binuhat ko si Neng. Isinampa ko siya sa aking likod at tumakbo ako ng sobrang tulin. Gusto ko ng makauwi para samahan si Inang. Gusto ko na ulit marinig ang mahinang awit nito at makatulog sa kaniyang tabi.

Ang dalawang oras dapat na paglalakad ay natapos ko agad sa loob ng isang oras na pagtakbo. Hingal kabayo kong ibinaba si Neng sa lapag at hinawakan niya ang aking kamay para sabay kaming pumasok ng tagpi-tagpi naming bahay.

Hindi ako makapagsalita dahil sa aming naabutan. Para bang tumigil ang aking mundo. Hindi ako makahinga. Ang higpit ng hawak ni Neng sa aking kaliwang kamay ay para bang nagsasabing utusan ko siya nang kung anoman ang dapat niyang gawin. Humagulgol ito ng iyak at di ko mapigilan ang aking sariling lumuha.

Si Inang, nakahandusay sa lapag ng aming tagpi-tagping tahanan. Sinundo na nga ata siya ni Tatang Jose. Hindi ko na maririning ang maganda niyang mga awitin. Hindi ko na siya makakatabi sa pagtulog.

Osige 'Toy. Magsi-ingat kayong lahat. Ang huling katagang binaggit niya. Bakit hindi ko naisip na baka ito na ang huling habilin ni Inang para sa akin. Para sa aming lahat na maiiwan niya dito sa magulong mundong ito. Ang tanga ko. Huli na ang lahat. Huli na.

Patuloy ang aking pagluha. Nang lumapit ako at lumuhod sa tabi ni Inang, napansin kong duguan ito. May maliit ng butas sa leeg nito gawa ng kung ano. Patuloy ang paglabas ng dugo ni Inang. Patuloy ang aking pagluha ng nakarinig ako ng malakas na pagputok nang kung ano kasabay ng mabigat na pagbagsak ng kung ano sa likod ko.

Si Neng. Si Neng ang nasa likod ko kanina. Lumingon agad ako at nanlaki ang mga mata sa aking nakita. Si Neng ang bumagsak, duguan ito. Ang dalawa sa pinakamamahal kong tao ay nakahandusay sa magkabilang dulo ng aming tagpi-tagping tahanan. Parehong duguan. Parehong pinatay gawa ng malakas na pagputok ng isang bagay.

Nais ko pa sanang umiyak dahil sa masakit na pagkawala nila Inang at Neng ngunit ng makarinig ako ng kalabog sa madilim na gilid ng aming tahanan, sinubukan kong tumayo kahit na nanlalambot na ang aking mga paa. Tatakbo ako. Tatakbo ako papalayo sa magulong mundong ito. Sasabihan ko sila Ina , Ama, kuya Nestor, ate Inday, Ate Rosaly, kuya Jun-Jun at kuya Ton na wala na sila Inang at Neng. Na mag-ingat sila sa mga kalaban.

Ngunit may isang lalaki ang biglang lumabas galing sa dilim at sinabi ang mga katagang, Anata wa shinde iru. Hindi ko mawari kung ano ang ibig sabihin nito basta ba intinutok niya sa aking ulo ang isang itim na bagay at ilang saglit lang...

“Babalik ho agad kami ni Neng, Inang. Sasamahan ka po namin.”